Yourself! That's right, I think the hardest person to forgive in any situation is yourself, when we screw up, mess up, or do or say something we regret. Most of us tend to be harder on ourselves than we do others, so when it comes to forgiveness, it's very difficult for many to forgive themselves and move on and heal.
I look back on my past; things I have said, did, and thoughts I regret. I wish I could take them back. I know I have did things to hurt people, disappoint people, and change their opinion of me in my lifetime. I know there have been people in my life who have hurt me, disappointed me, and my opinion of them changed, but I have found it easier to forgive them (though sometimes it took some time), but again even when it takes time to forgive others, its usually because we are stubborn or holding on to something.
We have to live with ourselves. We have to think, rethink, ponder, dwell, and live with the choices, decisions, and mistakes we've made, and because of that we sometimes have a hard time letting go of the past, the shame, the pain, regret, or other emotions.
The key to forgiveness as a whole has always been the concept that forgiveness is not about the person that offended you, as much as it is about you, releasing them from the offense. But, the struggle with forgiving others is the releasing part, we feel if we forgive them, we are letting them off the hook or letting them get away with the hurt/anger they caused us, but that is only part of the issue, you may be releasing them, but they are still on the hook to God, especially if they won't admit their wrong or mistake, and sadly some never own up or accept responsiblity for their actions. Not our problem, it's God's.
However, when forgiving ourselves, it's another level, because we have to look at ourselves in the mirror everyday unless you avoid it. You cannot shut of your mind/memory of the things you are angry at yourself about. The key is learning to overcome your thoughts, which is the hard part.
Satan is the king of reminders. He loves to remind us of our sin, our shame, our mistakes, and our wrong doings. He wants us to dwell, stay, and wallow if our pity and sorrow. As long as we do that, we don't allow God to work or have power in our lives.
I don't care what you've said or done or thought you've done, we all must learn to allow God to forgive us and forgive ourselves. If we do not forgive ourselves, are you really allowing God to forgive you? When you keep asking God to forgive you over and over about the same thing, are you forgetting Jesus died ONCE and for ALL for our sins, and asking for forgiveness once is enough? By repeating our request to God, we are acting as if He's not forgave us, doesn't have the power to forgive us, and that if we keep asking, it will make us feel better, which is what it's all about anyway. We are being selfish to keep asking God to forgive us over and over.
We need to ask for forgiveness once and accept it. Leave it there with God. Sure we may be tempted to dwell on it, but the more we focus on God the less we will focus on our sin or mistake. We may never forget what happened or what we done, but we can give it less attention over time. Though sometimes we may be reminded of our past sins, mistakes, or things we'd soon forget, those reminders in some ways are a good thing. They remind us of where we were one time and where we are now. They also remind us that we serve a God who loves us unconditionally and that He wiped away our sins and whatever we do wrong, if we ask sincerely and accept responsibilty for our actions, He forgives us and even though there may be consequences, we accept them, deal with it, heal, and move on. No matter the offense.
I often wonder if could do anything what i'd do? My first thought is to go back into my past and correct some mistakes, but reality is I can't. I wish I could. I'd do anything to change some circumstnces, avoid some hurt, and keep from hurting or dissapointing others, but I can't. What I can do is learn from my past so i don't repeat the same mistakes. I can allow God to forgive and discipline me, so I am stronger and better off. And I can keep growing in my walk with God so that I He can use me for His glory and so I can continue to honor Him.
Forgive yourself today. Allow God to forgive you once and for all. Deal. Heal, Move on.
Philippians 3:13b(NIV) "But one thing I do know: forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead."
Psalm 19:12b(NIV) "Forgive my hidden faults."
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