Commitment or Sentence?
That's the question I ponder about marriage these days. I've had several people ask me if i'm nervous or scared, I'm neither. I'm ready, I'm excited, and I'm blessed to be marrying such a wonderful woman. (getting married next friday, June 18th). The question I ponder is really about marriage in general and with people in general. Do they look at marriage as a life long commitment or a life sentence?
It really discourages me the lack of respect people have for marriage vows. It also bums me out the way that married people have tried to discourage my happiness and joy. How many "unhappily married" people have told me, "wait til your married a few years", or "I've been married 3 times it will change", or "stay single", etc....i've honestly heard alot of comments from people like this.
It doesn't discourage me about getting married, it however does annoy me with h0w people view their marriage, treat their marriage, or show honor for their spouse. If you have been maried awhile and you feel this way, then I would say you might be part of the problem and if your marriage stinks, doesn't bring you joy, or makes you negative, then it's half your fault. You either married the wrong person to begin with, your selfish and only take and don't give in your marriage, or you are not living up to the vows you supposedly took.
I don't expect marriage to be no work. I don't expect to be all roses, puppy dogs, rainbows, and bubble gum, but I do expect it to be rewarding, an adventure, and life changing. I don't expect to always be right, get my way, or have it made, but I do expect to grow, learn, and do my part. I don't expect my spouse to be perfect, never make mistakes, or always agree with me, but I do expect her to be patient with me because I'm not perfect, I will make plenty of mistakes, and I won't always agree with her.
Marriage is a journey, not a sprint. Marriage is a commitment, not a decision. Marriage is about growing, sustaining, and maintaining your love, respect, and commitment for your mate, not letting it turn sour, resentful, or complacent. Marriage is partnership and that means both have to carry their weight, contribute their part, and put the other's interest above their own.
I think many people should really hold off getting married, or be more selective in whom they choose to marry. Better yet some should not get married because they'll never be able to love someone as much as they do themselves.
I have alot to learn, but i'm willing and I have a desire to make my bride the happiest woman I can. I never want her to doubt my love and commitment and I want to be able to say those words 10, 20, or 50 years from now, Lord willing.
I want to encourage you if you are married and you are having issues, to work them out. Don't wait for your partner to "change" or do all the work, do your part now. Stop viewing your marriage like you're trapped, a prisoner, or you're a victim. You are the one who said, "I do." If you married the wrong person, try and make it work. Now in cases of infidelity or abuse that is different, my advice is to RUN!
Newly married couples need older mature couples who are married to be examples. We need more married people who are happily married and not afraid to show it or say it. I think the idea of marriage is the longer you are together the closer and deeper in love you grow. I think if God is at the center of your marriage and you strive to build your love on His, there are no limits to where your relationship might go? I know that marriage is a commitment I'm ready to make for life and it's not a life sentence, it's a life commitment.
"Marriage should be honored by all." Hebrews 11:4a(NIV)