Monday, July 25, 2011

Talk to ME

Talk to Me

I think the biggest issue in relationships, businesses, and even church leadership is communication.  People have trouble expressing their feelings or putting them into words, and being honest and straight about what they want, how they feel, or in making decisions.

How many conflicts, problems, or issues could be resolved if people would only speak up?  We have people in leadership in companies and especially churches who will not communicate with people.  They are in a position of leadership, but will not lead. They don't want to cause a wave, hurt feelings, make anyone mad, make themselves uncomofortable, or deal with whatever the issue at hand is.   The problem is however, you created more and bigger issues by not communicating directly, honestly, promptly, and effectively.

I think in our relationships whether dating, marriage, parenting, or friendships could be alot better if we'd express our feelings, desires, wants, or needs into words.  So many times we want to avoid conflict so we remain silent, we don't want to cause problems so we stay quiet, or we don't want to share our true feelings out of discomfort or awkwardness.  Once again, you create more problems by not communicating how you really feel.

If I was being completely honest with you, i am direct, blunt, and say how I feel.  I usually don't hold back.  I agree at times I may need to have more tact or I don't have to say everything I feel or that pops into my head(I'm a work in progress), however, it makes no sense to me why people won't stand up, speak out, or say how they are feeling, what they want, or what needs to happen or change.   We live with a constant "elephant in the room" in our board meetings, leadership meetings, or in our conversations with loved ones.

We cannot have healthy relationships, lead effectively, or run a company, business, organization, or church without learning to speak up, communicate clearly and effectively, and without confronting pressing issues head on.  

For example, I heard recently from some people from a church about being upset about a change in service times.  It wasn't that they were upset that the times changed, they were upset the Elders of the church didn't communicate the changes, or seek feedback from the church.  Another  example, would be having an issue at work with an employeed always coming in late or not doing their job, but refusing to address the issue because you don't want to cause a problem(hello! You're in charge, it is your problem!).  Or in relationship if your husband says something to hurt your feelings, or your brother treats you bad, or a friend throws you under the bus, and you avoid telling them how it made you feel, well you are the only one who can say how you feel, or what you want. 

I know not everyone is talkative, some more more introverted and quiet, but even if that is your personality, you still have to speak up and communicate with people, especially if you are in relationships or in positions of authority.  If you are a leader or boss and you don't like commmunicating, making decisions, or dealing with problems head on, then maybe it's time for you to resign or find a job or role where you don't have to deal with those things.

Sometimes we want the title, the glory, or the pay but then don't want to do the job or role.  Sometimes we want the relationship or friendship but at the expense of our integrity or character.  We've gotta learn to talk, communicate, and share our feelings, expectations, wants, desires, needs, and even our authority(if we are in a position to have the right to excerise it).

Maybe you are with people who talk to much, or dominate conversataions, they maybe that way because they are allowed to be, or because no one else ever steps in and speaks up.  Don't be afraid to cut them off and be heard, or keep them on task, or gain the respect to be heard yourself!

Jesus was the ultimate communicater. He was open, honest, and direct.  I think all our relationships whether personal, professional, or spiritual could be so much better if we'd all learn to talk to each other and not waste time, worry, or avoid subjects or conversations that need to happen. 

Ephesians 4:25(NIV)

Therefore each of you must put off falsehood and speak truthfully to your neighbor, for we are all members of one body.

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