Monday, January 25, 2010



Have you ever met someone who can't be alone? They always have to be dating someone? They never can go without a boyfriend or girlfriend? They always have to be in a relationship? Maybe you saw people like this in jr high or high school? Maybe college or even in the adult workplace. Maybe you are like this?

Unfortunately, people like this don't just exist when they are teenagers, it carries into adult life.

Why? Are they insecure? lonely? selfish? co-dependant? I don't really know the reasons, but never quite understood people who can't seem to handle being alone.

First, there is a difference between being alone and being lonely. Secondly, if we find our self worth or self value in a relationship with some other person, we must have issues with self. There is a major issue, if you cannot be alone. If you have to constantly have companionship or be with someone in a dating, casual, or even serious relationship, you are just continuing a cycle of broken relationships. People like this are simply using other people. It may not seem like it, you may think you like the person, or enjoy being with them, or even love them, but it's only temporary, because once the newness wears off, once things become comfortable, the void is still there. Having a person in your life is not the answer, they cannot fill the void that you are missing. That is why the relationship always ends and many times, not in a good way. And they move on to the next person immediately, not dealing with their feelings, and continue the endless cycle of hurt.

A person who always has to "have someone" can't keep a long-term relationship because they are trying to fill a void, or fix a problem in their lives with a relationship. They become frustrated and usually sabotage the relationship in time because this "person" is not completing them like they thought. So they move on to the next hoping it will be "the one" not realizing they are leaving a path of destruction and they don't care who they hurt, because they are just focused on what they think they need. Some people are decent people, they are just confused.

Until a person can learn to be ok alone and not put their worth in another person, they are never going to be happy in any relationship. Until most people realize that God created us for relationships, but He did not create us to use relationships as the answer to everything, we are going to have broken relationships, broken hearts, and hurt. God created us to have a relationship him. If we do not have that relationship with God, we are always going to feel a void or something missing in our lives.

We also have to figure out why we feel we "have to" have someone in our lives constantly. Is it because I am insecure? Is it because I feel lonely? Is it because I am selfish and want to use people? Is it because I have mommy/daddy issues? People are this way for different reasons and getting to the root of the problem is the beginning. Once you figure out why are you using people and can't be alone and always have to date or be in a relationship, you can begin the road to recovery and take w/ever steps you can to fix the issue so you can be ok alone and eventually learn to have a healthy relationship with someone not because you have to have a relationship but because you want one for the right reasons in the right way.

It begins and ends with God. He is the example of what a healthy relationship should look like and in all my years of being single and dating, it took me a long time to realize when I have God, He is all I truly need. I also learned I am not going to be happy in any relationship until I learn to be alone and I learn to be happy with self and I learn to develop a healthy relationship with my creator. I do not need to be with someone to be somebody or be happy or feel complete.

I hope and pray if you are one reading this today that is constantly hopping from one relationship to another, or if you find yourself always wanting to be with someone cause you "can't handle" being alone, that you'll get help or realize you need help or need to make some changes. Also realize you are hurting yourself and so many other people with your actions. But there is hope, you can change!

Remember God is with you Always! You need Him first and foremost. You also need to work on whatever issues you have so that you are happy and healthy with self before you enter into a dating or marriage relationship with someone else, or you are just going to use and damage them. We also need to learn to beware of people like this who come into our lives and avoid getting in a relationship with someone who always seems to have to be with someone. They are using us, whether they realize it or not. We can also strive to help our friends and family we know struggle with this issue and encourage them to seek God, pray for them, and encourage them to focus on their friendships. People will never be happy, content, or have lasting relationships until they learn to be alone.

"And surely I am with you always, to the very end of the age." Matthew 28:20b(NIV)

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