Alone

Alone

Have you ever met someone who can't be alone? They always have to be dating someone? They never can go without a boyfriend or girlfriend? They always have to be in a relationship? Maybe you saw people like this in jr high or high school? Maybe college or even in the adult workplace. Maybe you are like this?

Unfortunately, people like this don't just exist when they are teenagers, it carries into adult life.

Why? Are they insecure? lonely? selfish? co-dependant? I don't really know the reasons, but never quite understood people who can't seem to handle being alone.

First, there is a difference between being alone and being lonely. Secondly, if we find our self worth or self value in a relationship with some other person, we must have issues with self. There is a major issue, if you cannot be alone. If you have to constantly have companionship or be with someone in a dating, casual, or even serious relationship, you are just continuing a cycle of broken relationships. People like this are simply using other people. It may not seem like it, you may think you like the person, or enjoy being with them, or even love them, but it's only temporary, because once the newness wears off, once things become comfortable, the void is still there. Having a person in your life is not the answer, they cannot fill the void that you are missing. That is why the relationship always ends and many times, not in a good way. And they move on to the next person immediately, not dealing with their feelings, and continue the endless cycle of hurt.

A person who always has to "have someone" can't keep a long-term relationship because they are trying to fill a void, or fix a problem in their lives with a relationship. They become frustrated and usually sabotage the relationship in time because this "person" is not completing them like they thought. So they move on to the next hoping it will be "the one" not realizing they are leaving a path of destruction and they don't care who they hurt, because they are just focused on what they think they need. Some people are decent people, they are just confused.

Until a person can learn to be ok alone and not put their worth in another person, they are never going to be happy in any relationship. Until most people realize that God created us for relationships, but He did not create us to use relationships as the answer to everything, we are going to have broken relationships, broken hearts, and hurt. God created us to have a relationship him. If we do not have that relationship with God, we are always going to feel a void or something missing in our lives.

We also have to figure out why we feel we "have to" have someone in our lives constantly. Is it because I am insecure? Is it because I feel lonely? Is it because I am selfish and want to use people? Is it because I have mommy/daddy issues? People are this way for different reasons and getting to the root of the problem is the beginning. Once you figure out why are you using people and can't be alone and always have to date or be in a relationship, you can begin the road to recovery and take w/ever steps you can to fix the issue so you can be ok alone and eventually learn to have a healthy relationship with someone not because you have to have a relationship but because you want one for the right reasons in the right way.

It begins and ends with God. He is the example of what a healthy relationship should look like and in all my years of being single and dating, it took me a long time to realize when I have God, He is all I truly need. I also learned I am not going to be happy in any relationship until I learn to be alone and I learn to be happy with self and I learn to develop a healthy relationship with my creator. I do not need to be with someone to be somebody or be happy or feel complete.

I hope and pray if you are one reading this today that is constantly hopping from one relationship to another, or if you find yourself always wanting to be with someone cause you "can't handle" being alone, that you'll get help or realize you need help or need to make some changes. Also realize you are hurting yourself and so many other people with your actions. But there is hope, you can change!

Remember God is with you Always! You need Him first and foremost. You also need to work on whatever issues you have so that you are happy and healthy with self before you enter into a dating or marriage relationship with someone else, or you are just going to use and damage them. We also need to learn to beware of people like this who come into our lives and avoid getting in a relationship with someone who always seems to have to be with someone. They are using us, whether they realize it or not. We can also strive to help our friends and family we know struggle with this issue and encourage them to seek God, pray for them, and encourage them to focus on their friendships. People will never be happy, content, or have lasting relationships until they learn to be alone.

"And surely I am with you always, to the very end of the age." Matthew 28:20b(NIV)

Selective Integrity?

Selective Integrity

"The man on integrity walks securely, but he who takes crooked paths will be found out."
Proverbs 10:9(NIV)

I've shared the story before in a sermon about a guy who a few years ago went through the drive-thru at KFC with his girlfriend and ordered a bucket of chicken. An employee accidently grabbed a bucket that had the night deposit in it filled with several thousand dollars and handed it out the window to the man. After leaving the man opened up the bucket of chicken to find the money instead. He returned to the store and gave the money back.

The manager was elated, the man could have drove away and gotten away with all that money, but he chose be honest and return with the cash. The manager wanted to call the newspapers and tv stations to do a story on the man's honesty, but he refused do you know why? He did not want his wife to find out because he was married and the woman with him, his girlfriend was not his wife.

How can a man be so honest in one area of his life and return money he could have gotten by with keeping, yet be so dishonest and cheat on his wife with another woman? It makes no sense, but people including me do that all the time in our lives. We pick and choose areas we want to be honest and areas we don't. We pick and choose areas we want to give to God and areas we want to control ourselves.

A man can preach the truth and not tell it. Someone serve as a leader and role model in church, yet be a negative harsh supervisor at work. A woman can sing in the choir or worship team and have a voice that praises God, yet away from church she verbally abuses her husband and children. Parents can teach their kids to be honest and tell the truth, yet they cheat on their taxes or lie about their kids ages when they take them to the movies. Someone can spread gossip and rumors about someone and they turn around and serve the hurting at a homeless shelter or nursing home.

I am not sure why we are this way, but we can be so excellent in some areas of our lives in serving, teaching, giving, and helping others, and then at the same time, we can lie, scheme, gossip, slander, have a negative attitdue, or rebel against what we know is the right thing to do.

I for one don't believe you can pick and choose when to have integrity you either have it or you don't, but I do think some people are honest about their weaknesses, faults, and struggles, and others are in denial or think they are bigger than the truth or the rules don't apply to them.

We all sin, we all fall short, none of us are perfect, but you have to decide whether you are going to be a person of integrity who admits when fail, sin, fall short, make poor choices, wrong decisions, use bad judgement, or just plain mess up. Instead we want to deny, justify, blame shift, and make excuses. It's time we have integrity and learn from our mistakes, accept ownership, make ammends, and live with the consequences. If not, we will continue to have selective integrity, which is really no integrity it all,because you either have it or you don't.

There have been times I haven't had it, I want to have it and live it all the time. How about you?

Questions?

Questions?

Do you ever ask Why? Why seems to be something we all want to know sometimes. Why does bad things happen? Why do bad people seem to get away with things and good people seem to suffer unjustly? Why do babies have to die or innocent people get killed by drunk drivers?

Maybe it's a little more personal for you. Why did I marry this person? Why did I have to take this job? Why did I move? Why did that relationship go so wrong? Why did I make such a horrible mistake? Why am I dishonest? Why did I hurt them? Why can't I change?

I think asking questions is a good thing. I think if you are asking questions, it means you are thinking and thinking it always a good thing. Especially when it comes to God. God is God, He can handle any question you throw at Him. No question is too big for God. The problem is we may not like the answer, or may not want to wait on the answer. Or better yet, we may never know the answer and have to learn to trust His wisdom and give Him control.

I've been asking alot of questions of God the past year. I'm trying to understand some things in my life and some people who have been in my life. Truth is, I may never understand why things happend the way they did, why people act the way they do, or why I handle things the way I did.

But, I want to learn. I want to grow. I want to mature. I want to learn lessons. I want to grow in my faith. I want to mature into the person God wants me to become. Therefore, I will continue to ask questions and seek the truth.

I do know that if you look to God's Word, talk to God on a regular basis, and are open to listening to Him and being guided by Him, we may get some answers. Though on this side of heaven we may not know why baby's are stillborn, why someone got cancer, or why someone is abusive, we can maybe learn to trust God a little more. Maybe we learn patience? endurance? perseverance? Trust? Giving up control? Maybe we learn coping skills or lessons we can use to help others who will be going through the same things we are now? Maybe God is trying to help us through our mistakes, pain, and issues so that we can better serve Him? I don't know, but I'm going to keep asking questions, because I know God has the answers.

"What is man that you are mindful of him, the son of man that you care for him?" Psalm 8:4 (NIV)

2010

2010

When I was a kid, 2010 sounded so far away and I figured we'd have flying cars by now or something. Anyway, 2010 is here now and i'm closer to 40 than 30 and i don't own a flying car, but one that looks like box, go figure.

I will admit 2009 wasn't a great year for me. Though I had some successes in youth ministry and finished up 2009 good in my personal life, 2009 was a rough year professionally and personally. I for one as glad 2010 is here and am ready for a new start.

I guess there is nothing special about a new year, it's just like any other day, but a new year does signify for many of us a time of newness. Though, we don't get do-overs or repeats in life, we are able to have new beginnings or new starts and to move on past the past.

Maybe 2009 was a great year for you and you'll continue to find happiness and success in 2010 or maybe 2009 wasn't a good year for you either, maybe you faced divorce, a break-up, a broken friendship, a job loss, a financial setback, issues with your children or parents, or maybe a physical illness? I pray that 2010 will bring new perspective, a deeper faith, a stronger resolve, or maybe better relationships, healthier choices, or more truth and trust in your life.

Maybe you need to right some wrongs or maybe you need to ask for forgiveness or rebuild some trust. Maybe you need to find a new job or career or save some money or pay off some debt? Maybe you need to find a new church, or make move? Whatever it is, I pray that you will let God guide you and that you see the need to be on the path He has chosen for you.

My 2010 is starting with a great dating relationship, a move back to WV, and a new job, and many unknowns, but I am excited about the future and what God has in store with me. I pray I can be faithful, patient, and optimistic of what God will do for me, through me, and give me in 2010. I pray the same for you. I want to learn from my mistakes, experiences, and problems in 2009, but I don't want to stay there. I want to make changes, accept what I cannot change, and have wisdom to know the difference.

"Be very careful, then, how you live--not as unwise, but as wise, making the most of every opportunity, because the days are evil." Ephesians 5:15-16(NIV)

Moving

Moving Day

I actually already moved most of my household goods and office last week when I went back home for Christmas, but what few remaining items I have left will be joining me on Wed. as I head back to West Virginia permanently.

There are always mixed emotions about moving. Ofcourse I've moved so much the past 6 years, I'm nearly a professional, I've given away more furniture than most people have in a lifetime, and I've moved around really too much, but live and learn, can't change the past, and that's what I get for waking up in Vegas.

I'm going to miss many of the students and kids especially who touched my life, i have a tendency to get attached easily, and also the people who befriended me during my time here, but I also am in much need of a change, new scenary, and a fresh start.

I am looking forward to being closer to my family, my long time friends, and especially my girlfriend Cheryl and her kids. She has to be the sweetest girl in the world! I am not sure what my career plans will be just yet? This next job will either turn into something permanent as a career or will be a job until I find something more career oriented. I also hope to always continue to minister and serve the Lord in whatever capacity He can use me.

I def. am ready to feel settled and to put down my roots back in WV where my roots have always been anyway. I've been blessed to be able to move around and minister and meet so many wonderful people and even despite some mistakes, bad situations, etc...God is never done teaching if we are willing to learn.

So, Country Roads, Take me home, to the place I belong....West Virginia, Mountain Mama, Take me home, country roads......

Unlocking

Unlocking

What do you do with trauma? Bad memories? Struggles? Problems? Mistakes? Pain? Hurt? When you’re life for whatever reasons has issues like this, what do you do? Do you bury it? Hide it? Live in denial? Many people try to keep it all in and lock it down and throw away the key, but the problem is that never works? You cannot bury or hide stuff, because it eventually it resurfaces because unresolved stuff is “unresolved” so it comes back in the form of anger, walls, mood swings, resentment, bitterness, poor decisions, broken relationships, turmoil, drama, etc….Junk in our lives does just not magically go away. You can’t sweep it under a rug, pretend it never happened, doesn’t exist, or bury it.

Imagine every time you have a problem or issue that you didn’t deal with, resolve, or handle, and you tried to bury or hide it you were given a 2lb rock to carry around in a backpack. Eventually your backpack would be full of 2lb rocks and it would be too heavy to carry. Emotional baggage is a lot heavier and harder to carry and has more long-term damage to you. It affects your personality, relationships, attitude, faith(if you have any), present, and future.

That is why it’s crucial that you deal with things as they come and do not procrastinate with your spiritual, mental, and emotional health. If you bury enough stuff, it will bury you. You will isolate yourself from healthy relationships, make bad decisions, poor choices, and go from one broken relationship to another and leave a trail of hurt to others in the process.

I think the key is to recognize whatever hurt or pain there is and begin looking for ways to resolve it, deal with it, heal it, or handle it. Whether that is prayer, counsel, medication, or seeking professional help. I think ultimately seeking God and using Him, His church, and His word will help you tremendously. I obviously know if there is serious damage or pain in your life you may need to seek out professional help and avenues. Either way, do not bury, ignore, or try and hide your issues or you will cause even greater damage to yourself and others. The sooner you deal with stuff the sooner you can begin the road to healing, wholeness, and happiness again.

Sometimes we think the best thing to do is keep it to ourselves, hide it, bury it, pretend it’s not there, or act like everything is ok. It’s not ok, and it will never be ok until we deal with it. Some people live entire lives and never deal with their pain or mistakes. Some people, never realize the damage they do to themselves and others by not addressing the hurt or pain in their lives. Sometimes people live an endless cycle of using drugs, alcohol, sex, people, relationships, habits, and hobbies to try and “fix” their pain, only to continue the cycle.

If you need help, get it. Ask people you know or trust to help you. Seek God. Half the battle is admitting you have been burying or hiding or avoiding stuff. It’s time to break the lock and let it out before it destroys you.

“Cast all your anxiety upon Him because He cares for you.” I Peter 5:7(NIV)

Burning Bridges

Burning Bridges

Wikipedia describes Burning Bridges as an expression synonymous to the "point of no return", typically used when a relationship becomes irreparable. I guess we think when a relationship is at the point burning bridges is ok, but I personally don’t think it has to be that way or should be that way. I don’t think we should hardly ever burn bridges, but I suppose many times we do either intentionally or sometimes unintentionally because we are angry, hurt, resentful, vengeful, or selfish or immature.

Whether it’s in friendships, dating, marriages, divorce, parenting, or working relationships, many times we choose to burn a bridge in a relationship only for it to come back and bite us or we regret it. I don’t believe in Karma, but I definitely believe in God’s word of “you reap what you sow” and I also believe in God’s divine plan and that paying back wrongs is His job not ours.

The thing is when we burn bridges we are really hurting ourselves. It could be in a job and we get mad and quit without a notice or tell our boss off and down the road a year or two somehow some way, that keeps us from getting another job or we end up needing something from that person and we can’t because of how we acted. It could be in a dating relationship or marriage where we treat our partner wrong and horrible and walk away trying to hurt them as much as possible, only for it to turn around on us when we get hurt the same way by someone else, or we have to live with the pain we caused someone else.

Or it could be in a friendship where you used someone, betrayed their trust, or threw them under the bus, and then down the road you have to deal with that person again in another setting or you lose other friends because word gets out on how you treated people. Many times people do it in churches and church hop or even people get divorced and do it to their ex-spouse, but problem is there are kids involved and they are the ones who suffer for their parents children or selfish behavior. The lists of scenario’s are endless.

I can see burning a bridge with an abusive parent or spouse. I can see burning a bridge with someone who is evil and brings nothing but pain into your life. But, I believe most of the time this is a rare exception and not the rule for every break-up, divorce, job change, or church move. we must be careful to not leave a path of burnt bridges in our path or sooner or later we are going to be on a deserted island with no bridges at all, because we’ve burnt every bridge and we have no friends, we can’t find a job, no church wants us, no one wants to date or marry us, or no one wants to be friends with us. We end up alone because we refused to recognize the cycle of destructive behavior in our lives and do something about it.

The one who ends up getting burned in the long run is yourself. You can’t go through life constantly hurting people, pushing people away, and hopping from one relationship, friendship marriage, job, church, etc..to the other and at some point not end up alone and with a life full of damaged people most of all including yourself.

I would encourage you today, to not burn bridges. To not destroy relationships. You don’t have to date, marry, or be friends with someone that you don’t want, but you don’t have to purposely try to hurt or destroy them. You don’t have to work at a place you don’t want or with people you don’t want, but you don’t want to do anything that ruins or destroys your reputation or keeps you from future employment opportunities. You don’t have to stay at a church you don’t like, but you don’t have to leave a path of destruction when you leave at every church you attend.

On rare occasions you may have to burn a bridge to protect yourself or your family, but I would hope most of us would try to be bridge builders and sometimes just walk away and move on and let go and leave whatever injustice or vengeance up to God. Do not burn bridges, walk over them and keep walking. Also guard your path so you don’t get in relationships, situations, or places you shouldn’t be in, in the first place.

“If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone. Do not take revenge, my friends, but leave room for God’s wrath, for it is written: ‘It is mine to avenge; I will repay says the Lord.’” Romans 12:18-19(NIV)

West Virginia Bound

Almost Heaven

Ofcourse those of us from West Virginia know that is state "slogan". I am returning back home to West Virginia at the end of this month after almost 2 years in southern Indiana (20 months to be exact).

After much prayer and debate(with myself and God) I have decided to step out of full-time ministry and relocate back to "Almost Heaven" where "Mountaineers are always free". The state motto, This is free quote day.

I'm going to be working through manpower and starting a new job at the first of the year at Alcon just outside of Huntington. They are an optical manufacturer of the lenses for cataract replacement surgey. I will begin after the new year and not sure what I'll be doing there at this time just yet?

I will be staying with my folks for awhile to save up some money and pay off some debt and see where the future may take me.

As far as ministry goes, I plan on doing some fill-in preaching and looking for a church to get involved in. We are all minsiter's and I do not need a title or a paycheck to minister, but am looking forward to what God might have instore for me next?

I plan on just taking the time to get re-settled in West Virginia and enjoy dating Cheryl and having a normal dating relationship with her and spending time with her, her kids, and her family. If you've did the long distance thing, you know how enjoyable that isn't. haha. I also will enjoy being close to some friends agian I've missed.

I will miss my students and youth ministry at Central in Huntingburg, but feel this is the right move for me and what is best for me and my future. My last day and when I'll be moving back is Dec. 31st.

2009 was the worst and hardest year I can remember having. I am looking forward to a new start and a new beginning back in West Virginia. God is a God of the good and the bad and I am thankful for his faithfulness.

Merry CHRISTmas and Happy New year!

Toxic

TOXIC

Toxic is what is used to describe highly poisonous materials, but it also is used to describe people and places sometimes in our lives. We all know people who are in relationships that are toxic or go places that are toxic or who have circumstances/problems in their life that toxic.

Toxic means extremely harsh, malicious, or harmful. Does this sound like anyone in your life past or present? They bring you down? They are abusive? Negative? Suck the life out of you? Tear you down? You had no issues until you met them? You know the kind of people I’m talking about. Could be a friendship, someone you date, someone you married, a relative, a co-worker, or even someone you go to church with.

Maybe there are toxic places that bring you down. A bar, a person’s house, even a church. Maybe it’s a place that you have bad memories? Maybe there is a group of people who are toxic and you need to find new friends or people to hang with or be around?

I am not sure of your situation, but do know Toxic is not a good thing and as long as you are in or around someone or something that is toxic, you will be affected in a very negative way. It will cause great harm to your health if you continue in a toxic relationship, around toxic people, or keep going to toxic places. You will not get healthy or find healing until you can get away from the people or things that is causing you to be sick.

If we were talking about Toxic chemicals, you have the chance of being seriously ill or even dying if you have too much exposure to them and you have to get away from contact and even sometimes be hospitalized and treated to get healed. Sometimes I wonder if toxic people aren’t worse. They seem to do more harm and the hurt is harder to recover from. People and places are toxic for different reasons. Sometimes people are toxic, because that is all they know, they’ve had such a bad life or so many bad things happen to them, they have become a product of their environment and so they are hurting and so they hurt back. Sometimes people are just selfish, cruel, mean, and evil and who knows why? They are users and abusers, and they destroy everyone they come into contact with. Some places are toxic because they are just unhealthy places to be or go or stay for various reasons.

My encouragement for you and myself this morning is to surround yourself with healthy and positive relationships and avoid, remove, or end negative/harmful relationships. Stop going to places or being around people who cause you harm, bring you down, tear you down, or keep hurting you in various ways. Maybe you are the toxic one and are causing all the issues in your life. If you are stop where you are and start dealing with your problems or issues and stop blaming them on others. Accept responsibility for your own messes. Do what it takes to get healthy so that you are stop hurting those you love or care about.

God created us for relationships. God wants a healthy relationship with us. He wants us to want a relationship with Him and He also wants us to have healthy relationships with other people. If there are toxic people or things in your life, run from them. If you are toxic to others, get help.


“Hate what is evil; cling to what is good.” Romans 12:9(NIV)

More good reads

This is a great read. If you like Donald Miller type writing you'll like Vince. This book is a way to look at a relationship with God different that just going to church or doing religious things.

If you like the TV show, you'll like the book. It's an easy read on the different principles that this family values and what makes their family work.

This is one of the better books I've ever read. This book has the ability to really change people's lives if they take the time to read it and apply it to their lives. Full of great quotes, thoughts, knowledge, and I would highly recommend this book.

This is a little book, I'm reading as more of a devotional, but really is a message for churches and how churches miss the point and so do christians about what is really important in life. Quick read and has a great descriptions of wgat churches resembe. (police station, mortuary, museum, , etc).

Hurting people, Hurt people

Our Minister Wade used this quote in His sermon yesterday on “Forgiveness”. I heard this quote several years ago, probably 10 years ago and it has always stuck with me. When people are hurting, they end up hurting others if they do not deal with their hurt or heal in the right way in their lives.

When people become bitter, resentful, vengeful, angry with hate, or they have been hurt by abuse, divorce, neglect, betrayal, etc…it can bring about behavior that is not only not healthy, but ends up hurting those trying to help or hurting those close to us. We not only push people away who care, but we treat them very harsh, even to the point where we ruin relationships because of our behavior and attitude.

People can’t help us when we won’t help ourselves. People won’t stick around forever if they are constantly being yelled at, taken for granted, treated unfairly, or pushed away when all they are trying to do is help and be there. It’s a vicious cycle, that won’t break until we do something about it. We will continue to have broken relationships, whether that is dating, marriages, or friendships because of our unhealthy hurting behavior. We will continue to hurt people, especially those we love and who love us until we deal with and get help for our hurts.

It can mean stop avoiding your pain and start dealing with it. It can mean finally confronting or forgiving someone who hurt you. It may mean going and talking to a counselor or getting therapy. It may mean that you need to seek God and get serious about your faith and allow God to heal you and help you overcome your hurt. It means stop taking out your pain on those who did not cause the pain. It means stop making yourself and others miserable. Get help. Seek help. Find help. Want help.

I have been hurt and I have hurt others, never intentionally, but even if we don’t do it intentionally it doesn’t change the fact we hurt people. Most people who are hurting don’t want to hurt others, push them away, or be mean, but when your feelings and emotions are out of whack, damaged, or remain un dealt with, they really cause chaos, unstability, and a rollercoaster of reactions, emotions, feelings, and behaviors.

I encourage everyone today to stop hurting others by dealing with your hurts today. I would say, healing people, heal people would be a better quote. If we find healing, then we’ll have healed relationships and we’ll help people instead of hurting them. We’ll get help instead of hurting.

“For I AM the Lord, who heals you.” Exodus 15:26b (NIV)

In the Blink of an Eye

In The Blink of an Eye
It doesn’t take very long to blink, but that’s how quick our lives, circumstances, or things can change. My family has lived on their property in Glenwood, WV for nearly 60 years. Our property joins in with another property and our family has hunted on that property for 50plus years. My dad has hunted on that land for 50 years and I have hunted, hiked, road motorcycles, four-wheelers, and even my pony on that land for almost 30 years. Recently, the property was sold to a different owner and at least this year anyway, we are not allowed to Hunt on the neighboring farm anymore. That quick, all those years of hunting and memories may be just that a memory now.

It’s amazing how your life can be moving along just fine and then all the sudden you get the phone call that a loved one has died suddenly with no warning. Or you’re driving along and BAM, you’re in a auto accident that kills or severely injures you or a loved one. You go to the Doctor for tests and find out you have cancer even though you feel fine. You're looking through some belongings in your house and you find proof that your spouse is having an affair. You discover a friend is lying to you. You come in to work like normal and your boss comes in and tells you it’s your last day.

In the blink of an eye our circumstances and life can change instantly with news, events, and things that are out of your control and sometimes forever. The course of our lives can be altered severely. I am not sure totally why these things can happen. Sometimes because of our own sins or the sins of others. Sometimes because of the carelessness or lifestyle choices of others. Sometimes maybe there is not explanations? It’s just life. People die. People are selfish. Accidents happen. Disease happens. Change Happens.

I’ve been thinking about all the memories and things I had hunting, hiking, exploring, and riding on that property all these years and how much I appreciated all the time I got to spend on there. I am not sure whether the new owner will give us permission next year or ever? But, one thing I do know is I am thankful for what time I did have there. I think we don’t spend enough time focusing on things while we have them, we have a tendency to take our blessings, health, and lives for granted. It’s easy to do, we all do it. We get caught up in our daily, busy lives and schedules and we don’t anticipate or plan for tragedy, life change, or unexpected surprises.

But, in the end that is how life works. It doesn’t always have to be that way. We can prevent some accidents, health problems, life style choices, or relationship issues by making better choices in what we eat, do, or how we live. How we choose our friends, partners, and relationships. But, in the end we are still going to face things that are out of our control. That is why it’s wise to be prepared spiritually. We must draw on our faith in God. We must rely on His strength, power, and wisdom to get us through difficult times and circumstances. We must also count our blessings and take each day one day at a time and rejoice with the good things God has given us and allowed us to be a part of. We also must remember that everything on this earth is temporary and nothing will last, even our very lives. Each day of breath is a gift from God and we do not know when it will be our last, so make the most of everyday by enjoying your blessings, thanking God for what He has given you, and cherishing those special memories, moments, and people.

“When times are good be happy; but when times are bad, consider: God has made one as well as the other.”

Ecclesiastes 7:14(NIV)

Red Flags

RED FLAGS

Red flag is a semi-official term to denote various attention and awareness indicators and signals, both explicit and implicit. It can used in various contexts usually as a warning or when things seem too good to be true, as well as, unexpectedly good results.-(Wikipedia).

I think we use this term more in relationship, business, or interpersonal settings. Usually when we date someone, are doing business with someone, or interacting with someone in a social setting, we use the term “red flags” because of signals, feelings, or emotions we are getting. Maybe they are telling us to break-up or not marry this person? Maybe they are telling us to stay away from that friendship, or to not do business with that person because they are dishonest, or do not trust that person because their character or integrity is in question. The point is a “Red Flag” is an unseen and unwritten warning to us that something isn’t right, on the up and up, or something bad is going to happen if we continue on this same path.

If you are like me, at times you’ve ignored the “red flags” in life and you’ve paid a heavy price for it. You’ve been lied to, heartbroken, disappointed, burned, betrayed, abused, devastated, angry, frustrated, bitter, resentful, traumatized, or worse. Sometimes we are a victim of our own insecurity, stupidity, naivety, or selfishness. Other times it’s because we trust too much, ask too few questions, we don’t want to say No, don’t want to be alone, don’t want to hurt someone’s feelings, or we don’t stand up for ourselves.

The point is “Red Flags” are there for a reason. A warning. If you were driving down a road that had a warning sign “Road Closed, Bridge Out” you would not keep driving, yet for some reason in our relationships (professional and personal), we can’t seem to always heed the warnings. They put warnings on cigarettes, yet people still smoke. People are warned of the dangers of abusing alcohol or drugs, yet they still abuse them. People who know you best or know other people warn you not to marry that person or do business with that person, yet we go ahead and live a life full of remorse and regret.

We need red flags at times in our lives and more that needing them, we need to recognize them and use them. When we see a “Red Flag” we usually start making excuses, justifying, and ignoring them. If our heart, mind, or nature tells us we need or want something, then it doesn’t matter the consequences at the time. The thing is our minds and heart lie to us and can trick us. We can ignore the bad behavior of a person because they are physically good looking or because we don’t want to be alone, so we date them or marry them. We need to make a quick buck or we become greedy and think about all the money we could have so we do business with someone who takes our savings or retirement and blows it. We want to be friends with someone so we’ll be popular, fit in, or accepted so we hang out with the crowd or person who is not good for us and before you know it, we are trapped in a life we didn’t want and doing things we never thought we’d do.

Red Flags. They exist for a reason. A warning. Danger is ahead. Harm is coming. Hurt is heading your way. Decisions you can’t take back are going to happen.
Regret. Remorse. Guilt. Shame. Resentment. Pain. Suffering. These things are your future if you do not heed the warning signs. When you see or hear the “Red Flag” take time to stop and evaluate it. Evaluate the relationship, the friendship, the path you are heading down. Evaluate the Why’s and the What’s. Why am I doing this? Why do I need to do this? What will be the consequences? What do those closest to me and care about me and love me say? What does my gut tell me? What does God think of this?

“The highway of the upright avoids evil; he who guards his way guards his life.” Proverbs 16:17(NIV)

Quote to think about

I love this quote from Andy Stanley's book "The Principle of the Path":

"At the end of the day, when you finally reap the results of your misguided(or unguided) decisions, you're not the only one who suffers. Every decision we make that hurts us also hurts the people who love us most. And those who depend on us most will be hurt the most."

user-unfriendly

User-unfriendly

Selfish. Self-seeking. Self-absorbed. Self-centered. These words describe people who use others. They use people for their own selfish gain, motives, agenda, or wants. I think it’s in our human nature to be selfish or to put self first. But, there are extremes where we use people in harmful or hurtful ways. We use people in business to make money, get a promotion, or get ahead. We use people in relationships because we are lonely, needy, insecure, or afraid. We use people in life because we are bitter, resentful, angry, or hurt.

Sometimes people can be selfish and use people and not even realize they are users. They are so self-absorbed with their own pain, struggles, addictions, or problems they don’t see how they are using, hurting, or damaging others. Sometimes people can use people and know they are being selfish and they don’t care. They only care about themselves. Their own feelings, wants, desires, and agendas.

Jesus Christ teaches us a different way. God teaches us that to become first we must be last. Instead of being served we need to serve. He teaches us to put others needs above our own. He instructs us to Love God, and love others. He doesn’t even mention self. Being a Christian or a follower of Christ forces us to take a hard look at “self” and realize we need to change our attitudes, behaviors, thinking, and actions and treat others out of love, respect, and concern.

Though our human nature teaches us to only worry about ourselves, a relationship with God forces us to look at how others feel and how our actions effect others. It’s a process, but if we truly want to honor God we must learn to develop a self-less attitude, a God-centered life, and an others-seeking agenda. It’s not that our wants, needs, and feelings are not important, but we should evaluate our motives, our thoughts, actions, behaviors, and lifestyle choices and decide are these things selfish, self-seeking, or self-centered. Are my actions affecting others negatively? Are my behaviors hurting others? Are my decisions impacting others in a harmful way?

If we could begin to take an honest look at “self” and accept responsibility for ourselves and see if we are honoring God or moving closer to Him or if we are full of “self” it could be the path to having a life that has meaning, value, and peace. If we could become less selfish and more about God and others I think we would have healthier honest relationships, we’d be better employees and employers, and we’d not burn so many bridges or hurt so many people, ultimately we are really hurting ourselves the most with our selfish behavior or when we use people for our own selfish gain. We also should be careful to avoid people in our lives who are using us or who show a pattern of selfish behavior. If you are a user, stop! Start treating people with respect, appreciation, and do not use them or take our your issues on them. Treat others with the love that God shows us.

“Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than yourselves.”

Philippians 2:3(NIV)

Veterans Day

Remerbering those who serve or who have served. Thank you Veterans.

farting preacher

Maybe you've seen this maybe you haven't, you gotta love Robert Tilton

Farting Preacher
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qxwgnjgdDX4

Perspective

PERSPECTIVE

Our perspective in a situation sure has a way of changing how we act, feel, or respond in situations. Whether it’s relationships, behaviors, habits, lifestyles, faith, or careers our perspective in a situation determines whether we stay married or get divorced, fix the broken relationship or end it, continue with the business deal or break ties, whether we embrace God or blame Him, or whether we face our fears or run from the truth.

Perspective. It can help us make the right decisions or cloud us into make a poor decisions. It can make us blame someone that is not to blame or help us see we need to take responsibility for our actions. It can help us treat people the way we want to be treated or make us treat someone unfairly. It can bring us to be compassionate or caring or it can cause us to become calloused and hard-hearted.

How is your perspective? Is it positive or negative? Accurate or inaccurate? Clear or clouded? Just or unjust? Your perspective on top of a building is different than that of one standing on the ground beside the building. Your perspective of someone’s actions may change depending on how well you know the person. You may think a person is rude or purposely ignoring you when you waved at them and they didn’t wave back or look at you, if you have an insecure or guilty conscience. However if you know them and do not have any reasons to doubt, then you may realize they simply did not see you or were distracted.

How many times have you thought one thing about a person or situation only to realize you were wrong on basing your judgment on a bad perspective. How many times did you think things would never get better or change because you had a negative or hopeless perspective? When our perspective changes in a good way, many times our circumstances, situations, problems, etc…begin to change. God can work better in our lives when we have a Godly perspective.

It’s tough, I struggle with it. Stinkin Thinkin. You think a situation will never change, never get better. It’s because our perspective of it is wrong. When we begin to see things through God’s eyes and have an eternal perspective in our lives, hopefully it will change our actions, behaviors, attitudes, and responses in all aspects in our lives. Things aren’t always as good as they seem and sometimes they are not as bad as they seem. How many times have you seen someone you love dating or married to someone you know is not a good person or good for them or to them and everyone else sees it except them. How many times have you been warned not to do business with a certain person, and you are the only one who can’t see they are dishonest or they lack integrity and you pay for it. We sometimes are the last to see something because we refuse to see it or admit we were wrong.

We need a God perspective. An eternal perspective. An accurate, true, righteous, honest, and realistic perspective of ourselves, our relationships, our lives. It begins and ends with our relationship with and to God. Even God did not judge or base things on outward, temporary perspectives. He looks at the heart of the matter.

“God does not judge by external appearance.” Galatians 6:2B(NIV)

"Sometimes we don't really need answers, we need THE ANSWER. Sometimes maybe even the right explanations wouldn't satisfy us like we believe they would, and we need to realize that the only thing that will truly satisfy us is God Himself" -Vince Antonucci(from his Book)

Swampy Steve

Check out Swampy Steve interviewing for the 100th Annv. at Central Christian Church in Huntingburg, IN.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ppvQQh6Hh8s