Monday, April 20, 2009

Tired!

TIRED

I am tired:

-tired of dating someone and investing so much time and energy only for it to end and having to start the process all over again

-tired of having to explain to people why I am still single at my age

-tired of falling in love only for it to end or not work out

-tired of thinking people are treating me different or look at me different because I am not married

-tired of having to defend myself with family, friends, churches, and people who think I am too picky, not looking hard enough, have too high of a standard, or too hard to please (first of all i’m not, second of all if you’re going to marry someone should you not be somewhat choosy?)

-tired of being tired of dating, relationships, working on relationships, defending my singleness, and being single

-tired of fighting two types of people, 1) who think i’m lonely and just wanting to get married and 2) those who think i’m not trying hard enough or looking hard enough (do you see why I can’t win?)

I am actually ok being single, that is hard for people to understand. There is alot I actually enjoy about being single and after 35 years of it, you do sort of get used to it. On the other hand, I also enjoy being in a relationship. I enjoy the companionship, friendship, intimacy (not in the gutter), quality time, and the feelings you feel when you are in a relationship.

Most people have a hard time relating to my dilema because they’ve been married for so long they’ve not dated since high school or college. Others reading are still in school, so their dating experiences or single experiences are limited. It’s really hard to think, but I’ve been dating for almost 20 years. I still suck at it.

I’ve came along way, I’ve made alot of mistakes, and though with good intentions, I’ve probably drove some women crazy with my ticks, mood swings, opinions, and personality differences. I believe the longer I have dated, the better i’ve become as a person, because I’ve learned from my mistakes and tried hard to be the best I can be, though I will never be perfect and still have a lot of work ahead.

Dating is all about choices. You must decide whether a person is worth the risk, and whether you can tolerate another’s differences, habits, opinions, and personality and you have to remember your own.

It all makes me tired, but at the same time I know God has a plan and a purpose for me and I strive hard to remain faithful and trust Him even when I get tired, weary, depressed, exhausted, and feel like just giving up.

I have learned to be OK and happy with myself single or dating. I think that is the key, we have to learn to be happy alone before we can be happy with someone else. I think we have to learn to compromise, communicate, and commit with someone whether dating or married. I feel we have to accept someone faults, differences, and all, while also appreciating those qualities.

I have regrets, I’ve handled situations wrong, got mad over stupid stuff, not let go of things I should have, talked when I should have been quiet, and made decisions without thinking or praying. I’ve been hurt, betrayed, let down, and devastated.

I am proud of say I’ve never cheated on anyone, though i’ve been cheated on. I am sad to say that I’ve lost some relationships that at the time, I probably could a have prevented, but God always has the bigger picture in view for us.

The thing I can learn most is even though it get’s tiresome and I get weary, I just have to take one day at a time and not lose hope and let each day be special. Not trying to make things happen or avoiding something God might be doing, but just be open, available, willing, and faithful.

Whether you are dating, married, single, divorced, or widowed. Don’t let others dictate your attitude or mood. It’s your life and only you can decide what is best for you and I hope you include God in that choice. God cares who we date and don’t date, who we marry and don’t marry, and how we treat others and how we are treated.

Ok, I’m done venting, sharing, and throwing my tired thoughts on dating out there, I know Jesus is my rest.

"Take My yoke upon you and learn from Me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls."
Matt 11:29(NKJV)

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